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Eight Seven Reasons Why Wristwatches Are Better Than Smartphones

- By Keith Lehman (PA) 03/31/21

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1. You can't wear a smartphone

Anything you can wear is better than something you can't fasten onto your body. Clothing falls into this category. It's best to own clothes before owning a smartphone—or a watch for that matter!

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2. Handy even when not working

When a smartphone dies, it's nothing but a cold piece of silicon and glass. If a watch isn't running, you can still enjoy the beauty and craftsmanship that went into making it. In a pinch you can even hock it for cash or use it to bet on a boxing match.

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3. Proves that you can tell analog time

Wearing a watch proves that you can tell the time without the aid of electricity, unlike the philistines who can't write in cursive and can only read numbers horizontally. Bonus points if your watch displays Roman numerals!


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4. Instant class and sophistication

Like drinking red wine without wincing or hanging a poster of Klimt’s The Kiss in your college dorm room, owning a wristwatch proves that you have arrived or, at the very least, you are arriving.

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5. Way more useful in a zombie apocalypse

Try figuring out how much time you have left to get back to the station before last light or bartering for food with a dead smartphone. You can also give it to an endearing main character before you get killed. They’ll remember you fondly as they gaze at its hands ticking to their own death.

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6. A wristwatch will never tell you these things

A watch will never tell you to vote for a political candidate you plan to vote for, already voted for, or will never vote for. It also won't tell you that it's from the IRS but will only take payments in gift cards or that you won a free cruise but for some reason still needs your credit card number.

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7. It's fun to accessorize

Walk up a flight of stairs backward holding a candle and a hand mirror in the dark. When you get to the top, gaze into the mirror and ask yourself, "Should I match my watch to my clothes or my clothes to my watch?" and the apparition of Bloody Mary will appear and give you fashion advice. Oddly enough, you can replace the hand mirror with a smartphone and call her with the same result.

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8. Helps you find your tribe

When you’re walking down the street or standing in line at a Jamba Juice and you see someone checking the time on their wrist rather than pulling out their phone, you know you’ve found one of your people. That is, of course, if he or she is wearing a mechanical watch. Avoid eye contact if it's a quartz movement.

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